The Conqueror
Can you really ever truly have it all? I’m talking about cars here. Not anything actually meaningful. Kidding. Maybe. Sort of. There is no car on earth that gives you the best of everything. Fantastic power, torque, performance, style, fuel economy, practicality, value, and the rest of that fun criteria. But you already knew that. What’s left for us to do, but to find a compromise. Take this X5M Competition. It damn near does it all. Over 600 horsepower on tap, a spacious, luxurious, safe, practical cabin, handling and power delivery that rivals and sometimes even surpasses purpose-built performance cars and sleek styling is a wonderful package indeed. But price tag aside, you do pay for these in other ways. But is that tradeoff worth the cost?
The X5M, unlike many offerings - even from BMW themselves - puts an emphasis on subtlety over garish attitude. You’ll find some sharp angles, but they’re more elegant than aggressive. The black badging over this black paint on the outside just adds to the subdued sleeper-like nature of it. The only obvious giveaways are the massive wheels with M-branded brakes peeking through the spokes, and of course, quad tail pipes.
The subtle approach continues inside as well. Well, aside from the large X5M Competition badge on the centre console. You’ve got supportive, comfortable leather seats with a lovely quilted pattern, a gargantuan sunroof, touch free gesture controls, scented air conditioning, and of course, cooling cupholders. There’s so much more to list too. From the sound system to massaging seats, to the wireless smartphone connectivity, you’re certainly not short on tech and luxury. But it’s all neatly contained in a well-designed, user friendly, neat dashboard. BMW’s iDrive infotainment system can have a slight learning curve at first but will become increasingly intuitive the more you play around.
All that aside, let’s be real. No one buys an M car for the subtlety. It’s all about that power, and how it’s delivered. We are pleased to say the X5M does wonderfully. Far better than any behemoth SUV has any right to. You’ve got 617 horsepower in the Competition trim, and over 550 lb-ft of torque. There’s a hidden launch control feature too. But actually getting there is only a little easier than memorizing 100 digits of pi. What is easy, is just driving the damn thing. You never get the sense it’s going to eat you alive. It toes the line between calm commuter and devourer of kilometres wonderfully. Cornering at speed is without incident and minimal body roll. Despite its weight, it really does feel as planted as a car. Take things slower and it’s a quiet and comfortable – albeit somewhat firm – ride. But mash the gas and you get a near immediate taste of the twin-turbo V8 beast within.
With all that power on tap, one would hope there’s enough engineering and electronic safety aids to keep things in check. High power rides like the Dodge Charger Hellcat can pack a massive punch, but if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let it get the better of you. But that’s not the case here. You don’t need to have a feather-light touch to keep things in control. You have to go out of your way to get this car to misbehave – meaning, if you want some rowdiness, you have to willingly set it to its sportiest settings, turn traction control and other safety aids to their lowest settings and then go ham. But even then, the X5M inspires confidence rather than cockiness.
So it looks good, rides nicely, bathes you in luxury and force feeds you all the power you could want, and then some. So what’s the downside? If you haven’t guessed it by now, it’s the fuel economy. It’s hard to imagine that would be much of an issue for anyone buying at this price point though. During our week in varying driving conditions, with zero effort to be thrifty, we averaged around 15 L/100km and visited the pumps twice. Speaking of cost, the Competition trim of the X5M will set you back another $17,000 on top of the base cost of $124,500. What does it get you? 17 extra horsepower, and a slew of the luxury features we mentioned earlier. Is it worth it? For the extra power, no. But for those luxury features, if you’re already ponying up nearly $125,000, absolutely. Who wouldn’t want their fizzy drink to stay cool on the hottest summer day.
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