Vehicles to get you through nuclear war. Maybe.
As tensions flare between the United States and Iran, the world’s leading experts on foreign policy and international relations Twitter users decided a third world war could be on the horizon. Fancy yourself a draft dodger? Not that we have a draft in Canada. But conscription was a thing in the first two World Wars. Third time’s the charm. But I digress. Some of us might prefer to just hop in and ride out the rain of Strontium 90. What should you pick as your vehicular vanguard? Here are our picks, based on zero scientific backing whatsoever.
Courtesy: Toyota
2000’s Toyota Corolla/Camry w/ bumper dent
Usually finished in classic metallic beige with a dent on the corner of the rear bumper, these cars are right at home with well over 200,000 kilometres on the clock. It’s just getting warmed up at that point. Get a base model with roll up windows and little to nothing in the ways of luxury and chances are, you’ll break long before the car ever will.
Courtesy: Toyota
Toyota Hilux
As a plucky British motoring show so proficiently demonstrated, this pickup truck is damn near indestructible. Top Gear subjected one to all manner of abuse, including drowning it in the sea, dropping it from a crane, setting it ablaze and placing it on the top floor of a building…which was then demolished. Amazingly, the car survived all of that and with little more than the most basic hand tools, the truck fired right up. No wonder (much to Toyota's chagrin) terrorists love it.
Courtesy: TwistedAndes, Suzuki
Suzuki Samurai
Oh, you think a Jeep is what you need for off-roading? Back in 2007, the little Samurai, piloted by some intrepid Chileans, set out to break the record for highest altitude reached by a four wheel vehicle. The previous record holder – a Jeep – had planted a flag saying ‘Jeep Parking Only. All others don’t make it here anyway.’ Not only did the Samurai make it there. The drivers plucked out the sign, set a new record, and brought it down as a souvenir. With some modification, the faithful little Samurai could drive you up a mountain where you can live out the rest of the war. Just watch out for frost trolls as you climb the Seven Thousand Steps to High Hrothgar. The Greybeards await.
Courtesy: Volvo
Volvo 200-series
Modern vehicles are safer. There’s just no denying it. But no one set the standards for safety quite like Volvo did. Even their older vehicles were ahead of their time when it comes to the well-being of its passengers. Check out this rear end collision between an older Volvo 240 and a far more modern Kia. As one commenter pointed out, Volvo even went so far as to fit gas struts behind the bumper for further crash absorption. The Volvo 200-series is about as aerodynamic as an elephant, and probably as fast as one too. But it’s as reliable as an elephant’s memory. And as an added bonus, ivory hunters won’t be after you. That was sad.
Courtesy: RM Sotheby's
Hummer H1
What better way to survive war than a vehicle literally built for war? For those who don’t know, the Hummer’s origins lie in conflict. Known as the HUMVEE (High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle), the Hummer was the road going version of the military vehicle, first popularized from Desert Storm coverage, and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s need to have one. The Hummer wasn’t perfect but it serves its duty well. Creature comforts aside, the civilian Hummer isn’t all that different from the military variant. It’s got the same engine, suspension setup, transmission and chassis. Which means, come wartime, it’ll easily adapt to your Mad Max fantasies and keep you in one piece. Probably.
Courtesy: United States Air Force
Fairchild Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II ‘Warthog’
Hey, maybe someone has a pilot’s license and access to my favourite warplane of all time? The A-10 was introduced in the late 1970’s but continues to thrive today. It’s technically old and outdated, but sometimes, they just don’t make ‘em like they used to. The Warthog is famously durable and hardy, getting many of its pilots to safety (like the absolute badass Major Kim Campbell) after suffering extensive damage, thanks to double-redundant hydraulics and a further mechanical backup. Another cool note – the A-10 was designed around the VW Beetle-sized GAU-8 Avenger Gatling gun. This wasn’t a gun built for a plane. It’s a plane built for a gun.
Disclaimer: If there really is a nuclear war on the horizon, a fallout shelter will probably serve you better than a vehicle ever could.
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